Update on Fr. George Kosicki

1. When a person enters hospice, especially in the condition that Father is in, i.e., with what is really an undiagnosed cause for decline, it’s impossible to predict how long he will live.  On Tuesday his doctor told the nurse that Father might not be alive on Thursday [today].  His estimate came from his Monday visit with Father and having seen other patients in similar circumstances.  The nursing staff, however, thought otherwise, saying that they did not see his situation as being so dire and imminent.  In short, it’s especially hard to predict how long he will be with us.
2. Although his energy and wakefulness are seriously diminished, he seems to appreciate having visitors, albeit for short periods of time.
3. You may wish to visit with Father while there is still an opportunity to engage him in some little conversation or you may be fortunate enough to encounter him on a day or part of day when he has rallied.

4. It’s not necessary to always be in conversation with Father when you visit.  Sitting quietly can be re-assuring to those who are in hospice and certainly is less tiring.  Praying the rosary near him so that he is hearing a prayer that is familiar to him is also comforting.  If you know the Divine Mercy chaplet, he loves to hear that.  The home has a wonderful lounge area just outside his room if you want to give yourself a spell.  He has a fridge in his room that we will stock with bottled water for your use.

5. If you do visit, please sign the Guest Book that is on the built-in desk to your left as you enter the room.  If and when he rallies, feel free to take the book by his bedside and read the entries that have been made since August 1st.  I am also going to prepare another notebook with recent postings to his CarePage, letters and cards that he’s received, etc.  You should also feel free to read these to him since he won’t have heard them before.  Perhaps even reading them by his bedside when he seems to be or is asleep is another option.
6. Typically in our extrovert-driven culture we think we have to fill the space between us with words.   Keep in mind that Father lived his last 12 years of ministry as a hermit living with the Community of Companions of Christ the Lamb in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.  He is used to silence and loves it.  He grows very impatient with “small talk.”  In fact, this was a frequent complaint well past his first 12 months at the Home.  He likes to speak about and listen to conversations about spiritual matters.  But, again, silence is golden with him.  Hospice literature instructs us to refrain from speaking about ourselves, our concerns or worries, our emotional challenges, etc.  This is without a doubt Father George’s time and it is a very special and sacred time for letting go and moving on in a way that is profoundly unique for him as it is for anyone of us confronting the imminence of death.  He may respond to having you hold his hand, laying your hand gently on his shoulder or forehead—take your cues on whether these gestures are welcome by his response.  He is used to having someone lay a hand on his forehead in prayer—that’s quite familiar and should be re-assuring and comforting. 

   Note:  He appears to be experiencing some bone or muscle pain so strong gripping, etc. should be avoided.  When you see hm notice how thin his wrists and hands have become.  Please avoid considering him as a prisoner of his bed who must accept whatever the visitor wishes to do; in other words, be cautious about imposing on him if he is clearly demonstrating some signs that he is uncomfortable with certain gestures, conversations, or the length of the visit.  I am not sure how comfortable he would be with kisses or hugs and these may be difficult.  Please avoid physical contact if you’re fighting an infection or you yourself are very susceptible to infection.  There are excellent online resources to give us guides for visiting the hospice patient.

7. Finally, it always helps to ask Sr. Augustine of St. Chantal, the nurse on duty, and especially the aides to help you understand how they perceive his cognition and mood that day.  If you witness anything distressing about his behavior, don’t be reluctant to ask one of them if they’ve noticed this and how this is being handled.  They’re the experts.  Sacred Heata Home and now Heartland Hospice are premier institutions.  All of us should be so fortunate as to their ministrations in our last days.  He is getting excellent care.  Staff repeated tell me how much they love “Father George.”  He’s made a very positive impact on them and on many of the other residents.  Any questions or concerns that I’ve had about his treatment over these past two years have always been explained with respect, patience, and clarity.  You are also encouraged to contact me if you have any concerns, which I’m confident will never or hardly ever be the case.
8. Well, one more thing, could you send an email to everyone on this email list, indicating when you are going to visit and/or have visited Father George.  That may help all of us in planning our own visits.